I've spent over an hour and a half trying to make this work right, but it just won't.

I own a Verizon VX9200 mobile phone, and I wanted to upload some pictures to my computer (which uses Windows XP2000). When I plug in the USB cable the Hardware Update Wizard starts. I have tried letting it search for the needed driver. It did not work.

After sifting through the forums on verizon.com, I found a link to the LG site. I went there and found my phone and downloaded the driver here http://www.lge.com/us/mobile-phones/LG-VX9200-Red.jsp
I have tried making this program work in every way I can think of.

I've simply run it and then ran the update wizard. I've tried to manually tell it where the program is. I've restarted the computer after installing it and then ran the update wizard. I've downloaded it and ran the wizard both with and without the phone plugged in. I've deleted it and downloaded it again. etc. etc. etc.

I don't know what to do. I don't have a micro sd card. It didn't come with a CD. I'm doing everything exactly right according to every source I can find.

Can anybody help me?

It sounds like you have done everything correctly... For now your phone will just site there... We need to puit into Music Sync mode ans see if that helps...
For right now without an MicroSD card you will only be able to Sync a small number of songs.

Try this:
Go to the Settings Menu > USB Mode> set it to Music Sync. Does anything happen? You should see the "New Hardware Found" Bubbles and then tell you your hardware is installed correctly.
Next you should see the "Portable Device" Dialog box that will allow you to choose what you want to do. Choose Music Sync and it should launch Windows Media Player.
If you grab a MicroSD card you will then be able to Sync Music, Pictures, and Video with your phone's MicroSD and PC. You will also be able to mount the MicroSD card as another Drive letter on your PC and just copy stuff to and from it.

Let me know what happens

I have tried that already, and it didn't work. I've done it on media sync mode, modem mode, and ask on plug.

I ran into this problem once and in my case it turned out to be a conflict with another USB Device. It sounds like you are pretty computer savvy, so let me just suggest a couple of things to try.
* Unplug all other USB drives or devices (Other than Mouse or Keyboard) and try it that way.
* Check in the drive management window to see if anything appears while the phone is plugged in AND in Mass Storage mode
* I hesitate to mention this because it's a little involved, but I would try deleting my USB Controllers out of Device Manager and have your system auto detect them again... Please don't try this unless you feel comfortable that you can reverse what you've in case you get stuck.
* I know you have tried uninstalling and reinstalling the drivers, but I would do it this way..
- Unplug the phone from the computer and just reinstall the drivers (Don't uninstall) Reboot and when the system is fully up, plug the phone in and watch the system tray for "Install Bubbles" telling you that new hardware found blah blah blah... Then put the Phone in mass storage mode.

Let me know what happens.

I'm not actually that great with computers, I'm just very careful and have enough common sense to know where to look for instructions.
Any way, I never had any USB devices plugged in. I can't figure out how to get to drive management (unless you mean device management) and I can't enter mass storage mode unless I have a microSD card, which I don't...
I forgot to say that I have tried installing the driver more than once without uninstalling it first.
I'm not sure what you mean by USB controllers.

Thanks for the suggestions though. Do you have any other ideas?

Without the MicroSD card in the phone there won't be any indication that the phone is attached to your computer. There is a third party utility that's free and available to download, it's called "BitPim"
With BitPim installed, plug your phone into the USB port and then launch BitPim. It should come up and identify the phone you have attached. This will tell us that the LG drivers are installed and working. With a MicroSD card, you'll then be able to use the "Music Sync" and "Mass Storage" modes

You can get it from "www.bitpim.org"
Although not officially supported by LG (Use at your own risk) I use it all the time with my enV3, and enV Touch and it's great for syncing Contacts and Calender events... Just be careful, and read the instructions, it's a very powerful utility.